 Subject: "Three Contractors"Three contractors are bidding to repair the White House fence.One was from New Jersey , another from Tennessee and the third was from Iowa . They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Iowa contractor takes out a tape measure, does some measuring, then jots down some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900.... $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also measures and figures, then says, "I can do this job for $700.... $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." Then it's the New Jersey contractor's turn. But he doesn't measure or do any figuring. Instead, he leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official is astonished! "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" "Easy," the Jersey guy explains, "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me, and we hire the guy from Tennessee" |
| Stranger than Fiction . . . |
| Comprehending Engineers . . . |
| Random Observations . . . |
| Videos . . . |
Did You Know?
The definition of the term "spud" wrench is a contribution from Irish-American ironworkers. It comes from the Gaelic word for a digging stick, "spaid". The potato is called a spud because the tool used to dig it out was a simple stick. |
Definition of Structural Engineering: |
The art of molding materials we do not wholly understand into shapes we cannot precisely analyze so as to withstand forces we cannot really assess in such a way that the community at large has no reason to suspect the extent of our ignorance. |
"Contracting Dictionary" |
CONTRACTOR -- A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.BID OPENING -- A poker game in which the losing hand wins.BID -- A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.LOW BIDDER -- A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE -- The cost of construction in heaven.PROJECT MANAGER -- The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.OSHA -- A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney usually applied at random with a shotgun.STRIKE -- An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.DELAYED PAYMENT -- A tourniquet applied at the pockets.COMPLETION DATE -- The point at which liquidated damages begin.LIQUIDATED DAMAGES -- A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.AUDITOR -- People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.LAWYER -- People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |